I accidentally ended up watching the Presidential address tonight, and the pathetic Republican retort. I love how, in response to Democratic diversity (which isn’t great as it is,) the Republican have a black Chairman now, and let the Indian guy respond to the address. He had very little charisma, and warned us that the terrorists were still out there, and pointedly mentioned 9/11. Really, Bobby? Really? I can totally see how the Republicans stance and politics have changed in a few weeks from how they were for the past 8 years, by the way you spout the same bullshit over and over again. And I love how your plan for reducing health care costs involves me talking to my doctor, because he has ANY fucking control over my insurance costs, or what the pharmaceutical company gouge me for for each of my prescriptions. I just have a bad feeling the Republicans will stage a new terrorist attack in some lame attempt to get back into power…you know, like they did the last time.

…so, of course, I’m posting it.

from The News Courier in Athens, Alabama:
Man awakes wih crochet needle stuck into urethra
By Kelly Kazek
kelly@athensnews-courier.com

Investigators are looking into the incident.

THIS is the next plan for stimulus!!!

It seems Ah-nold has threatened to lay off 10,000 state employees if the $42 billion shortfall California is facing is cleared up by legislatures. No offense to the workers, but fire some people. You govern the 5th largest economy in the world, and we all know the economy is not going well, and businesses that are dwarfed by California are letting people go. Maybe it’s time for government to get on the bandwagon, state and federally, to really look and decide what programs/departments are truly necessary and which ones need to go. I know that its probably asking a bit much for government to become efficient but maybe that’s what we need to do and quit borrowing on top of borrowing to keep the nation afloat.

By Dave Perillo.

It has been confirmed by the National Traffic and Safety Board that birds were present in both engines of a plane that unexpectedly landed in Jennifer Hudson at the beginning of last week’s Superbowl. I, for one, have long since been a strong opponent to any flights over the arena at game time, corporate sponsor or not. I mean, hasn’t this poor woman suffered enough in the past year, only to have her grand return disrupted by what could have been a very tragic scene. The hero pilot who brought down the plane with only minor damage to the songstress and no deaths to anyone aboard the plane itself will be making the rounds of the morning talk shows. His picture will also be making the rounds on the desktops and nightstands of lonely middle-aged women across the country.

OH! That’s Right! Investigating cyanide poisoning cases from 27 years ago!

Your tax dollars at work, protecting you from terrorism, or some shit, I guess.

In related news, D. Stuart screams, “When will it be my turn?!”

“I was looking at the light.”
“Well, I was in f$%&ing NEWSIES!”