Unfortunately, for Miss Alba, she has done just the opposite of proving herself intelligent by actually responding to brain trusts such as Bill O’Reilly and TMZ when they declared her dumb. Come on, you mean you watch those fucking shows? Really? Jessica, we expect better of you…despite the Fantastic Four movies.

Yahoo! is already reporting the Obama girls, Sasha and Malia, are internet sensations. It seems Yahoo! also has forgotten that NBC Dateline has a whole series of specials that explore those excited by young girls on the internet, “To Catch A Predator”!

Yes, he can! And yes, he did! Obama in his first day froze pay rates of White House staff that make over $100,000. Is anyone else just totally shitting their pants over the fact that someone in government is showing restraint? tightening their own belt? Now, granted the belts are probably a little snug already, but still… Now, what would be nice (but I’m not crossing my fingers) is if Congress would get rid of that pesky automatic raise system they voted into place in 1989. This month, Congress will be getting a $4,700 raise that it didn’t seem fit to deny itself in its last session. Lawmakers make about $169,300/yr. with leadership making about $200,000/yr. What’s even better is that they have to vote to NOT get their annual pay hike, and if not enough lawmakers vote against it, well, everyone gets their raise.

Of course, if more lawmakers took a page from Sen. Feingold’s book, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. And I quote from his webpage, “The automatic pay raise for members of Congress is inappropriate…I accept only the rate of pay that Senators received on the date on which I was sworn in as a Senator. I return to the Treasury any additional income Senators get, whether from a cost-of-living adjustment or a pay raise we vote for ourselves. I don’t take a raise until my bosses, the people of Wisconsin, give me one at the ballot box. ”

Congress, get on the fucking train, and show us that you truly understand the pain of the working man, or in the case of the current economy, the record number of unemployed people.

Okay, so I’m not so stupid as to think that with the Obama inauguration will somehow turn the country on a dime, and have the streets running with gold. However, the idiot who has been the face of my country for the past 8 years will no longer be that face. I do have an offhand question though about idiot boy, who to date refuses to take responsibility for anything that took place under his watch as President. Wasn’t the Crawford ranch where he planned to retire to after his reign of terror? Now, I hear he plans to move to someplace in Dallas, and work on supplying his presidential library with every Dr. Seuss book ever written. Sure, some of them he can’t read, but still… So, after 8 years of brush clearing, is he selling that, or what?

I would also, though I had no real venom for her before, like to celebrate his dumb ass wife leaving the White House. Last week, in the midst of the worst economic crisis in decades, Laura bought almost half a million dollar plates. She spent twice as much as the last first lady to buy plates, Hillary Clinton. Yeah, they bought new plates that recently, so it wasn’t really needed, unless W. has somehow been very abusive to the dinnerware, while also being a huge slap in the face to everyone in unemployment lines across the country.

Well, that explains the Bush presidency!!!

Statistics released by the U.S. Education Department this week show that some 32 million U.S. adults lack basic prose literacy skill. That means they can’t read a newspaper or the instruction on a bottle of pills.

Lack of funding at the federal, state and local levels prevents about 90 percent of the illiterate from getting help, the organization claims.

I can’t do this story any better than they already have. It starts about 3:30 into the video.

Thank you, E! Online for this useless news!

Tim Allen Offers Condolences to Travoltas

WOW! We could fill the whole news blotter with everyone offering condolences to that family right now. Why aren’t we?!

So, yes, I’ve been having too much time on my hands, watching cable and being reminded that Billy Mays exists. Seriously though, can you imagine this guy having sex? He has the least sensual demeanor ever.

Just yesterday, the Vatican released papers claiming birth control pills not only are harming the environment but a leading cause of male infertility.

The pill “has for some years had devastating effects on the environment by releasing tonnes of hormones into nature” through female urine, said Pedro Jose Maria Simon Castellvi, president of the International Federation of Catholic Medical Associations, in the report.

Pope Benedict XVI in October reaffirmed the Roman Catholic Church’s condemnation of artificial birth control.

Okay, I’d first like to thank all the assholes who managed to get the word “ginormous” not only circulating the country but implanted into the fucking dictionary, but also I’d like to thank them for this new slander by Pizza Hut, where the word hyperbole, is stretched to its limits. This is not a pizza, but 2 pizzas, let’s be honest. Also, there is difference between having some idiot in your advertisements proclaim, “We’ll never finish this!” (because obviously this doorknob doesn’t understand the concept of putting away the rest for tomorrow) and you, the company, proclaiming it, “The pizza that never ends!” I think I can technically sue you for that bit of false advertising. I mean, come on, it obviously ends. It fits in the box, which has finite sides, and unless your delivery guy is constantly showing up with new ones at no extra charge just before the last one runs out, it ends. Oh, and you should really be saying “the 2 pizzas that never end,” I guess, which is a whole other grammatical issue on scale with time paradoxes that just make people’s heads hurt. In fact, Pizza Hut, you make my head hurt. Go away now.