plucked from flavordav’s LJ

Just last night, Barack Obama announced his running mate, bucking conventional Vice Presidential choices, naming a Mr. Earl Hickey. When asked what Mr. Hickey had to offer the Democratic ticket, Obama cited recognition, a vibe that resonates with much of the US, and Mr. Hickey’s Nielsen Ratings. It had been long rumored that Earl’s ex-wife Joy was at the top of the list of Obama’s potential running mates, but was recently excised as “too much of a manipulative bitch.” Joy recently received $100,000 to produce several web campaign promotions for Obama ’08.

Cookie franchise, Mrs. Fields will be filing bankruptcy by August 25th. Just a few thousand more unskilled workers that are going to be seeking employment I guess. And as an unskilled worker, they best not be bucking for my job.

The recently surfaced Obama Sex Tape (image censored above) just may prove that John McCain knows what he’s talking about after all. In other news, cementing his maverick status, McCain revealed that while comparing Obama to Paris and Britney, he did not, as his handlers wished, compare him to Hitler. “That may cost me a few votes with the more stringent conservative crowd, but damnit, a man’s got to have a sense of integrity in an election.”

The Russian/Georgia War has now reached a new level of intensity today as late comers to the fight include Texas, and the Mooninites.

BREAKING NEWS: The Superstation has been taken and renamed Khrushchevgrad. Ignignokt and Err unavailable for comment.

Hillary Clinton gave a speech today, endorsing Obama, saying, “Anyone who voted for me or caucused for me has so much more in common with Sen. Obama than Sen. McCain. Remember who we were fighting for in my campaign…we may have started on two separate paths, but we are on one journey now.” She summed up saying, “I want Barack Obama in the White House,..and cheesecake,..lots of cheesecake.”

Now, I’ve liked Edwards pretty much since he first ran for President, but dude, cheating on your wife who’s fighting cancer? That’s about as classless as Giuliani’s mistress and divorcing his crippled wife.

Sure, McCain might be old, but look at his groupie here. I wish I was old like him. Of course, the GOP will screw it all up again, letting Cheney speak at the convention. Why not just invite Pat Buchanan back to speak for you? The Republicans sure know how to paint themselves as the biggest assholes on the planet sometimes.

From college co-eds, to mommy’s little girl to national publications, the Obama tramp stamp has taken off since June when he decisively won the party nomination. We wish him all the best, and wish more women would join the cause.

You can’t control the world, and often, the world controls me. Back in 2003, when the French wouldn’t support the Iraq invasion, conservatives across the land felt they had a right to usurp, and corner the market on hating the French. And they made such a stink about it, in such adolescent ways, that at that moment they achieved their goals. Of course, this meant you couldn’t make a comment about the French not showering or laying down in almost any conflict they’ve ever been in without being immediately associated with the conservative assholes in power. It was a sad time, when people with actual intelligence, not just legacies at Yale and Harvard, had to forgo years of French bashing, because the morons you wouldn’t even think of sitting with at the lunch table had taken your fun and called it their own. It reminds me, personally, of when Nirvana went National, and the stupidest person I knew started singing their praises. That tape hit the trash that night, and it was over a decade until I felt comfortable listening to them again. And, so I ask you, is it okay to hate the French again?